Crushes are inevitable. You develop them all the time. But what should you do if you’re in a relationship and develop a crush on someone else? Does it make you a bad person? Does it mean you’re cheating on your partner? How do you deal with it?
It can definitely be confusing and frustrating. Lucky for you, here are 8 women in relationships, pouring out knowledge for such a situation in a recent Reddit AskWomen thread.
Hope you get what you’re looking for.
- Let it be a fantasy
“Yes, I was in a happy long term relationship so I was kind of confused by it. I mostly allowed it to be a fantasy but I monitored myself closely to make sure I didn’t take any actions for it to become more than that. It mostly passed after a few months.”
- If you have an open and honest relationship, joke about it with your partner
“I get crushes all the time and I’m married.”
“They are just crushes…they can be intense, they can be playful, they can be silly, but they are just crushes…unrequited attraction. I actually joke about them with my spouse.”
- If you are in a committed relationship, then break up before acting on your crush
“Yep. Broke up with my boyfriend (for various reasons not just this) then acted upon said crush”
- Do not cheat
“Yes. I ended up cheating the person I was seriously involved with. It wasn’t worth it.”
- Think about what the crush is telling you about your relationship
“I was already kind of over my SO at the time. When I got a serious crush on another guy, I realized my relationship was fully over and broke up with him. Not for the other person, but to figure out what I really wanted and to take time for myself, since I obviously wasn’t happy. It worked out well. Stayed single for a couple years then met a wonderful man who I’m absolutely happy to share a home and life with.”
- Take some time to think about it
“I ended my relationship to give me space and time to see if what I was feeling for the other person was worth pursuing. Either way, being seriously interested in someone else meant that the relationship I was already in had to end.”
- It may vanish on its own
“I had a crush on a guy since high school so for over 15 years. I’ve been with my husband for 14 years, all while having a crush on him. I never acted on it and then it just went away one day. The crush was an idea of who the person was I wasn’t actually in love with them, the more I got to know my crush the less of a crush I had on them. The longer I’ve been with my husband the more my love for him grows. I would never give up the love that I have to see where a crush could lead.”
- Accept that it will not work because the timing ain’t right
“I had a crush on a friend for years. I met him through mutual friends when we were both single, but his ex begged for him back after our first date.”
“Thanks to lack of closure, my crush lasted 3 years, and even throughout a multi-year relationship with a guy (who was a major manipulative jerk that cheated on me). But I never acted on it. Eventually, he and his girlfriend broke up, but I was still dwelling on my poop relationship. Then he moved away.”